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• Understanding Anger

  Do you find yourself fuming when someone cuts you off in traffic? Does your blood pressure go through the roof when your child refuses to c-operate? Anger is a normal and even healthy emotion, however, it's important to deal with it in a positive way. Uncontrolled anger can take a toll on both your health and your relationships. When you react to frustration, criticism or a threat, you may become angry - and usually this is a healthy response. Anger may be a secondary response to feeling sad, lonely or frightened. When anger becomes a full-blown rage your judgment and thinking can become impaired and you are more likely to do and say unreasonable and irrational things.

  
  Anger is not just a mental state of mind. It triggers an increase in heart rate, blood pressure and levels of adrenaline and noradrenaline. Anger has survival benefits, and forms part of our fight or flight brain response to a perceived threat or harm. When a human or animal decides to take action to stop or confront a threat, anger usually becomes the predominant feeling and takes over our behavior, cognition and physiology.
  
  In many cases humans and non-human animals express anger by making loud sounds, baring teeth, staring and specific posturing as a warning to perceived aggressors to stop their threatening behaviours. It is unusual for a physical attack to occur without these signs of anger appearing first. If a stranger for example approaches some newborn puppy-dogs the mother will most likely growl, bare her teeth and adopt a defensive or ready-to-attack posture, rather than silently attack without any warning. Instinctively, anger may surge in humans and non-human animals to protect territory, offspring and family members, secure mating privileges, prevent loss of possessions or food, and many other perceived threats.
  
  Experts say anger is a primary, natural emotion with functional survival value, which we all experience from time to time. The raised heart rate, blood pressure, and release of hormones prepare us physically for remedial action which is either to fight or run away at top speed (fight or flight).

• What can make people angry?

  The most common factors that make people angry are:

  • Grief - losing a loved one.
  • Sexual frustration
  • Rudeness
  • Tiredness
  • Hunger
  • Pain
  • Withdrawal from drugs or some medications
  • Some physical conditions, such as pre-menstrual syndrome
  • Physical illness
  • Mental illness
  • Alcohol, some drugs, alcohol abuse, drug abuse
  • Injustice
  • Being teased or bullied
  • Humiliation
  • Embarrassment
  • Deadlines
  • Traffic jams
  • Disappointment
  • Sloppy service
  • Failure
  • Infidelity
  • Burglary
  • Financial problems
  • Being told you have a serious illness

• 10 Anger Management Tips

  1. Take timeout- Before reacting to a tense situation, take a few moments to breathe deeply and count to 10. Slowing down can help defuse your temper. If necessary, take a break from the person or situation until your frustration subsides a bit.

  2. Once you're calm, express your anger- As soon as you're thinking clearly, and express your frustration in an assertive but non-confrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.

  3. Get some exercise- Physical activity can provide an outlet for your emotions, especially if you're about to erupt. If you feel your anger escalating, go for a brisk walk or run, or spend some time doing other favourite physical activities. Physical activity stimulates various brain chemicals that can leave you feeling happier and more relaxed than you were before you worked out.

  4. Think before you speak- In the heat of the moment, it's easy to say something you'll later regret. Take a few moments to collect your thoughts before saying anything. This will allow others involved in the situation to do the same.

  5. Identify possible solutions- Instead of focusing on what made you mad; work on resolving the issue at hand. Does your child's messy room drive you crazy? Close the door. Are your subordinates always late for meetings? Schedule meetings later in the afternoon or, agree to schedule meetings all in one day. This will ensure that all burning issues can be addressed all at once instead of scattering small meetings throughout the week. Remind yourself that anger won't fix anything, and might only make it worse.

  6.  Stick with 'I' statements- To avoid criticizing or placing blame — which might only increase tension — use "I" statements to describe the problem. Be respectful and specific. For example, say, "I'm upset that you left the table without offering to help with the dishes," instead of, "You never do any housework."

  7. Avoid holding a grudge- Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. But if you can forgive someone who angered you, you might both learn from the situation. It's unrealistic to expect everyone to behave exactly as you want at all times.

  8. Use humour to release tension- Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Avoid being sarcastic, though because it may hurt feelings and make things worse.

  9. Practice relaxation skills- When your temper flares, put relaxation skills to work. Practice deep-breathing exercises, imagine a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase, such as, "Take it easy." You might also listen to music, write in a journal or do a few yoga poses, whatever it takes to encourage relaxation.

  10. Know when to seek help- Learning to control anger is a challenge for everyone at times. Consider seeking help for anger issues if your anger seems out of control, causes you to do things you regret or hurts those around you.